Exes and Ohhhs

I know I am probably unusual in this way, but I think about my past relationships regularly. It is either because I am reminded about some funny thing that happened, or I am reviewing a past incident that was unpleasant and thinking about how I would do it differently today. Believe me it is not as morbid as it might sound because I see my past relationships as mile markers to how far I have come in my personal growth. One of the big realizations I have had in the process is that...ready for it...I was actually insensitive and self-centered when I was younger. Pretty shocking huh? Yep, things that make me go, "ohhh" with my hand to my mouth. I am blessed/cursed with a memory that remembers so many "ohhh" moments that I have plenty of material to review for the rest of my life.

Lucky me.

What I find though is that reviewing my past relationships with all my exes allows me to be a better partner for my wife and a better friend to others because, I don't know if you are like this, but I screwed up with people in the past---a LOT! Hundreds of insensitive words and actions I did or said that would leave me a cringing ball of dough if I allowed them to flow over me without a break. I don't know how I have a memory like that, just lucky I guess.

But my point here is that if you are willing to let the memories of mistakes with your exes cause you "ohhh's" you can learn about yourself greatly in ways that are practical in your present life. For example, because I have remembered my past jealousies with friends where they succeeded in something and I would not acknowledge them directly, I have become much more verbally acknowledging of people's accomplishments these days. The difficulty most people have with this action also landed it as a fundamental in my book.

As I look at my exes, though, through the years, my biggest regret was my inability to express affection to them. I realize that I could give them a lot of attention in many ways, but I could not verbally express the warmth and appreciation that I felt toward them. It is easy to say that I was just a kid back then, but this continued into my thirties. The "ohhh's" of my exes could fill a large room. So I just have to live with the memories of things unexpressed, and commit to act differently with my present relationships on a daily basis. So for me at least, I have greatly benefited from reviewing my past relationships and allowing the "ohhh's" to wash over me in regret. It protects me from letting too long go by without expressing those words in my present relationships that I lacked the courage to express in the past.

Try it sometime. Think about how you were in your past relationships and see if you are doing anything better these days. If you aren't doing something better now, change it. Be the person now you wish you could have been in the past. You would be surprised at the level of healing and relief you will feel when you do. Maybe you can turn a past "Oh" of pain into a present "Oh" of ecstacy.