The Secret Club

When I was in my twenties and hung around groups of men, I always noticed something for which, until recently, I had no explanation. Upon being introduced to each new group of men, I was always asked my age. I told them, and inevitably a few older guys in the group would look at each other and chuckle with a roll of their eyes. This happened so frequently that I eventually stopped thinking about it. It stopped years later and I would never have thought about it again, but something strange happened recently. The other day I was introduced to someone's son at a restaurant. Standing there with another male friend of mine, I asked his age. Asking this question so automatically gave me the first answer I had searched for long ago about why people always asked my age: It is because there is not much else to say when meeting a young stranger for the first time.

"Twenty three," he said proudly.

I looked at my male friend and laughed and said, "Twenty-three! That is Wonderful!" I unexpectedly felt genuine glee.

The kid looked puzzled, but smiled, and I continued laughing saying how great that was to my friend who also agreed we were witnessing something great before our eyes. That is when it hit me. Oh my God, my friend and I were doing the exact same thing the older men did to me when I was that age. It all came to me in a flash. I was now a part of something that has been going on forever.

Here is the deal: when you get older, usually past forty, you are immediately eligible to join a "secret club". Actual membership begins at the moment you ask someone younger than you their age and upon hearing it, feel this absolute joy for the person. This joy is caused by the fact that, having survived forty years or more of life yourself, you have experienced life's pain in a way that only people over forty understand, and before your very eyes is someone who hasn't really gotten the scars yet---relative freshness and innocence. Now, no one over twenty ever feels they have gotten off scot free in life so they would argue the point, but the forty-something knows better. They know that Life has not taken the bat to you yet, and are just happy to be around that essence, that relatively fresh state of being, again.

The "secret club" is not just for men either. I saw a female comedian talking to the audience and when one audience member said she was twenty-three years old, the comedian replied, "Oh my God that is adorable...you are just precious." You see, she is in the club.

The benefits of being in this club include a certain swagger related to accomplishment (not looks mind you, as those are fading way too fast for club members). This swagger is based on the fact that life has repeatedly taken "the bat" to us and yet we are still around. We withstood multiple beatings. We may not be much to look at, but we have a certain steadiness in our step that those not in the club THINK they have, but do not. They have not survived the amount of time, nor suffered the amount of beatings we have. Yes, they may have some bruises, but not the scars.

Club members also smile at each other differently than to others. It's a knowing smile, one that says,"Yep, we're making it, keep it up fellow member." There is also an arrogance we have that forces certain of our less polite members to tell younger people they don't know anything yet. It is a true statement, relatively speaking, but I find those members to be rude in bringing it up at all. All clubs, as you might guess, have their share of rude members, but it is their right to say it just the same. The greatest perk of being a member of this "secret club", though, is the fact that you absolutely have some useful knowledge to pass on to non-members. Of course, depending on the member, this knowledge can be less helpful or sometimes more, but every member definitely has something useful to pass on if you are lucky enough to receive it.

So next time you witness someone light up with joy when you tell them your age, know that you are in the presence of a member in good standing of the "secret club." Maybe they will pass on a secret or two...are you listening?