Small Talk as Spiritual Service

Growing up, and especially in my teenage years, I absolutely hated "small talk". I thought it represented the worst of small minds. Whenever I was in a public place and somebody said to a stranger, "Boy the weather sure is Hot/Cold today," I would just roll my eyes in disgust. "What idiots," I would say to myself, "Why would anyone need to say that to a stranger?" And yet everyone would do it in some form or other each time I was in a public gathering for any length of time. Someone inevitably would just have to say something about the weather, our sports team's chances in the playoffs, or any other number of superficial topics that truly meant nothing, it seemed, of importance.

Boy was I wrong!

Shift to fifteen years later. I am walking in from an incredibly hot summer day into a lunch line at Subway and out of my mouth came the unexpected, "Whew," I gasped, "It is hot as an oven out there!" I couldn't believe I said it. I wanted to die right then and there. I had just made my first stupid, weather comment in public, and it just blurted out unexpectedly. Before I could duck my head in shame, two people in front of me in line turned to me with huge smiles. "Isn't it though," one of them said, "I just about had a heart attack walking in from my car." Another person next to him said, "It hasn't been this hot since twenty years ago when I was in the service." A third person chimed in, all smiles, "I'm just glad I have a job with air conditioning, it's the only time I don't mind going to work, saves me A/C money at home." A fourth person jumped in, "Yea, and my air conditioning just busted." Everyone in the line spontaneously chimed in unison, "Awwwwwww," and added some version of "that's horrible." I stood back watching this unfold, my mouth agape. People continued excitedly telling their hottest summer stories to the person next to them, and this continued until everyone got their order and left.

Watching that interaction changed everything for me. I blurt out one superficial comment about weather and look what sprang up: social connection. Strangers spoke to each other as if they were old friends. All this from one stupid, weather comment. That's when I got it. Small talk isn't about exchanging stupid comments to strangers, it's about finding a topic total strangers have in common (weather, local events) and using it to connect socially.

Small talk is the tool that enables people to instantaneously connect with a total stranger. And if one believes that one purpose we are on this planet is to build relationships with those around us throughout our lives, then one could make the argument that engaging in small talk---bringing total strangers together, connecting even for one short minute---is truly service work of a spiritual nature. My stupid weather comment allowed nine strangers, who would probably have never spoken to each other otherwise, to connect for a brief moment in time as friends. No longer were they estranged from each other during those moments. Just a group of people with something in common that allowed them to connect with each other.

So now, when I am in line somewhere, I cannot wait to say, "Man, is the weather crazy out there or what" just to watch the smiling eyes light up around me and the comments of agreement lead to shared stories. Relationship building with total strangers all because I was willing to rethink an action that I once dismissed as stupid.

And the weird thing is, not only am I good at it these days, I now LOVE to small talk. Who'd have thunk it? Stupid me.