Different Types of Tears?

I have a friend that says such insightful things at times that I rarely forget them after he says them, the kind that just stick with you for some reason. As you may remember from my book I talk about how movies can pull emotions from me like no other medium. I was sitting around one night discussing movies with friends---particularly powerful scenes we remember--- and my friend says out of the blue, "Kevin cries at odd times in movies." Everyone in the room laughed as did I. It was such an insightful comment, but I had no idea what he was talking about. "I don't cry at odd times," I said laughing. "Yes you do," he said undaunted. I laughed again knowing he must be right, but feeling that vulnerable feeling only a good friend can give you by pegging some behavior you do. What did he mean? I asked him why he thought they were odd times. He thought for a moment looking at the ceiling, "Because they are not connected to moments that other people would cry at." I then remembered how my wife in the early days of our dating would suddenly ask me to pause a movie we were watching, turn to me in a genuinely perplexed way and ask, "Okay, now, why are you tearing up at this scene?" She asked from that wonderfully scientific place of curiosity that she has---genuinely interested, but perplexed as well.

So what was going on here? Why are these people reacting to me this way? Was I so different than other people? Then I remembered that most people think that when someone cries or tears up they must be sad. Tears are always from sadness aren't they? The answer is, "No." There are several kinds of tears, and you have probably experienced each of them without going through the process of analyzing them. I apparently do not have that luxury.

The next time you see someone crying, along with the obvious question, "Why are they crying," you might want to add a question, "What kind of tears are those?" Most people do not realize that there are several different kinds of tears so when you see someone crying, the immediate reflexive thought that they must be sad may not be accurate at all. There are a lot of different reasons for tears. Some of these tears can also be gender specific. Some women, for example, have a certain tear for anger and actually cry them when they get angry. Women are generally so socially trained against expressing anger openly that when they feel it they often cry instead of yelling or striking out like men do.

There are several kinds of tears other than sadness. There are also tears of pain and tears of frustration---these are the obvious ones, but did you know there are also tears of recognition? These tears appear when we see something we know deep in our bones. They sometimes come up in movies when we see an emotion we have felt deeply before or during a character's reaction that we have experienced similarly and deeply. We recognize the event or emotion and we just recognize it so deeply that it brings tears to our eyes. Those are tears of recognition.

There are tears of acceptance or resignation. These come about when we experience an inevitability, something we just know had to happen (positively or negatively) like the successful completion of a long mission or journey or the demise of a heinous criminal or bad guy.

There are tears of longing. Men often experience these during real life sports events and adventure movies because they see a great act of accomplishment they would love to have done themselves---the great act of heroism or the unbelievable play. Women often experience tears of longing in movies when they see an act of Love they wish they could experience. A woman once told me, "You have no idea what pain we go through during romance movies when we see a loving act happening on the screen that we know we will never have in our own relationship." That comment stuck with me.

There are tears of joy. These come when we witness someone's happiness or experience our own joy. These are the fun ones and are often accompanied with a beaming smile. These are the ones women often experience at weddings, so no more saying, "I don't know why I always cry at weddings."

So there are several other kinds of tears than just tears of sadness. What other ones do you know about that are not on this list? The next time you see someone crying or have tears of your own, ask yourself, "What kind of tears are these," you might be surprised. The next time a friend of yours cries at an "odd" time, take notice, you may have discovered another type of tear.